Back at post

Well, I am back to writing the blog again after I had been crazy with Diplomatic exam this year. Anyway, let me talking about the exam this year that is a second time of mine after I was disappointed about the result on last year. In fact, I didn’t disappointed about it because I didn’t hope, but I know well everyone who loves me want to see me in this way that they believe it is the best thing for me.

The exam this year was very difficulty more than last year, however one thing that I found after the exam is not diplomatic post (if I am lucky enough) But I think I succeed to read the books and developed myself for the exam. Since I can do the exam and distributed the time better than on last year. Especially, I can saw it in the English part. You know, I was no longer sat still when I met the exam I think I can read it and understand the sentence faster than the past…

Also two weeks before the exam ,I phoned 'Toi' The description about this name for this friend because his behaved is likely one character in the drama that I was addicted in the drama Toi is very silly and he loves the jealously character very much, but jealously character does not love him because she love Toi’s brother and she needs property of him only. In the end of the drama, Toi’s become disabled man since jealously character hurt. And jealously character has die with a fire after she set a fire at the mansion, about the jealously character I think it very proper with headlessdoll (headless doll in Thai language is mean the doll in a tray is prepare for offering the ghost) too much. Well ‘Headless doll’ is (was) girlfriend of Toi. She ever phoned to me at 12 pm. for asked the stupid questions to me that her (ex) boyfriend ever came to flirt to me or not? On that time,I was very angry because nobody used the sound to me like this and nobody call on me very late at night for asked the stupid question. The later day after that incident I phoned to her and told her to affirm to her about it. (actually, I will never told her by the normal) So that day Toi told me after we didn’t talk to each others for a many months that until now… Headless doll haven yet to relive her distruster about the relationship both Toi and I. So I told Toi that if she has any questions she can phone to me all the time or missed call to me and then I will call back because I do really miss her as my friend and want to talk with her all the time. Anyway I know that the person like her will never get involve to me all her life

Okay, the next posts will not late like this and hope you will enjoy about it

The Shuffle

Today I think I have Feeling better yet because I didn't angry or hate everyone (also myself) in this world. . . I shutted in and don't want to talk or meet anyone. And I this feeling belong to me for a many days…

I tries to avoid any sleeping pill before I go to bed as the most important person asked, but I set up an appointment with the psychiatrist on the next Wednesday. I just want someone who has a time to listen me talking about my problem and without any comments...and she's only one who has a kind to listen me.

I know well... this problem happened it was because of the conflict in my mine that I have it for a long times ago.... It's like sediment that settle down at the bottom in my mind. When something that has concern about it, I am always, be like mad. Somebody ever said "Life is dirty show must go on" I think this phrase is so TRUE. I have a dirty life, but I have go on to the best way. Hope tomorrow will make it better or give the strength to me more than this....

I will survive and VERY WELL!!!

“I don’t wanna talk about the thesis…How you make me throw up????”

Well, this situation happened on last week as I have been crazy with the thesis; I try to editing it finished within last Monday ‘cause I set up and appointment with friends that we will bring it up for send to the adviser on Wednesday. But at the end, everything didn’t go on as I hope since I’m very stress about it too much until I get sick. It was happened on Sunday while I’m editing it. I was throw up (so serious) so I have canceled the appointment with Stepmother on Monday, it so sad when I missed the chance to meet her and have a lunch with her (especially this lunch is OMELET that I love it so much) and I decided to suspended to editing it for a one week because every time when I thinking about it, suddenly I’m always feel want to vomit. I talked with Banana my best friend about it when we chatted to each others, I told her about my plan that I would burn my thesis suddenly when I finished a Master Degree, She told me that, on that time when she do the thesis, Banana also want to do like me. So she asked me that “if you would burn your thesis, please bring my thesis at my home to do it too” I admitted her asked and I guess the day that I burn it, I must be very happy….

And the worse in this week ‘IT’ (in fact she is mine step-sister who are very mean and try every way abuse to me like a story in a yarn) would come to my home for bring something for niece. (The son of my brother who’s only one that I bear to keep a connection too) who has a problem until he must moved to staying with his aunt. This woman ever predicted me on last six years ago that, I will never finish any degree and I cannot have a good future… But, I am opposite everything as she wants me to be and I will NEVER be like that. I’m always very stress when I heard anything about them and every time when I must seeing them. It was because of I can’t bear if I have listen them said anything that abuse my felling again!

Disabled office; Be damn!!!

Today, I'm bored (very bored) with the people in my office since I was starting at Department of International Organizations, Many diplomats here like to using the clerk doing something for them more than do it by oneself. Do not imagine about the un-permanent staff like me will survive with it. (even this thing is very easy to do, but I think they had a happiness when they have a chance to show off they power) When I was here, I have practice to say "NO" even every Moms borough up and support me to kind with everyone, but for this place I can't do like that 'cause if I helping them in everything as they asked (staff and without the asking to me what are you doing now?) That mean my routine work won't be finish. I am always call here that "Disabled office" cause almost EVERYONE behaved like this.(In this morning the Chinese guy just asked my do something that show in his behaved that he's very selfish and very crazy, and disabled. Actually, I say NO to help him. (At the end he have doing it by himself) Even most of people behaved like this, it doesn't mean at here don't have a nice people. I know many people who's very nice and they try to do everything by oneself until I'm willing to helping them when they come to ask my helpful even how much I'm very busy. I think the case of disabled behaved of people here is because Ministry pleased and served to diplomat too much until become the culture here...

Therefore, I have thinking well about Diplomat exam on October that I would come to exam or not? Because I dislike selfish and crazy social like this, I have consider about it too much again…

Scary Thesis

               If someone asking me now “What do you fear the most?" I guess I may tell them suddenly that "Thesis it is the thing that makes me fear and stressing the most" I call my thesis is "Scary thesis" because since I starting to do it heavily. I have edit and find out the reference like mad from every library as I can fingered out.. You know, I NEVER fall asleep (when that night without the sleeping pill) and I'm back to the migraine headache after I lost it for two years yet. Recently, I found that thesis makes me have be patient for the MAN and the things less than the past. I want staying with myself the most. I want to reconsider about life….
               Okay, please let me tell you about the reasons of it why thesis have the side effect with me very much like this. For me, this year become to the third year of master degree of nine. I think it’s very LATE when the course of Master degree have only two years, I angry myself when I can’t do it as I hope. And another reasons is that when I didn’t finish a Master Degree it’s like I destroy the hope of everyone who loves me (especially I can’t keep a promise to Mom as I gave to her in front of her coffin) And another reasons is I have a many dreams have to do after I finish Master Degree so when I haven’t yet finishing it that mean I can’t continue the dreams as I want.
               Anyway I think on the next Thursday I will send to the advisor to reproof it again, hopefully she would allow me exam the proposal on the next month.