Friday Update

Right now, I don’t think I am ready, but this is my choice. I am hopeful that there will come a day when my sadness is replaced by something beautiful. And I have the strength to go on…

Friday Update

Stronger and get worse

This week , I am stronger to bearing with the pollutions that came to disturbing my mind. It was because of I have a good humor more than last week, so sleeping pill are no need to me. But the stomachache isn’t also feeling better as I wish sometimes, I have been stomachache all day until it makes me very tired. It was the reason why I didn’t use a sleeping pill all week.

Busy

I have a lot of works so I have a time to talking with many people such as P’Wan (she has a lot of work too) Tam, Stepmom (I am so sorry when I heard that she get sick after went to the party on last Saturday ) or write an email to P’Jang.

My story

I am happy when I finished the plot of the story yesterday (It has 20 chapters) and three chapters done already. I am writing this story because on last 13 years ago, I read the novel and I dislike the end of this story so I have writing in the story that I wish.

Others

I am very glad when my sister is so happy and can adjusting herself in the Doulos. She always show the photos to me that she took.

So sleepy today……

Damaged

Remember those photographs we took on the boat in
Spain I took them down and ripped them up and
threw them all away remember on the back of one
you wrote we would meant to be that doesn't really
matter now cause u don't mean a thing to me

baby you shoulda told me told me from the start I
thought I was your only till you put me on the
shelf and found somebody else

I never thought that you would ever do that
everything we had is gone said you loved me said
never leave me maybe i just heard you wrong
cause I'm damaged, I'm damaged, don't know what to
do, baby I'm damaged so, so damaged because of you

got rid of those clothes you left like you got rid
of our dreams don't wanna be reminded of all of
the memories I use to have the ticket stub saved
from our very first date but that don't really
matter now cause you threw our love away

baby you shoulda told me cause now I'm torn apart
thought that I was your only till you put me on
the shelf and found sumbody else

it's almost like you were never here I almost feel
like I don't care girl I almost got rid of all
the pain the only thing I have left to say is how
good you leave me so damaged

Girl I never thought, never thought never thought
that'd you'd do that everything is gone
(everything is gone) you said you loved me said
youd never leave me maybe I just heard you wrong
(heard you wrong)

Friday Update

Thank You

P’Wan for the Sweet from Taipei every week,

Step mom; and Khun Marry for Valentine's Day’s lunch,

P’Pun, Ink and P’Yui for the gift on Valentine’s gifts also,

Baby and Tam for a nice explanation.....

Sukie when you didn’t pee in our home.

Surprise

When I get my niece’s photos and she is like her father very much. (she is daughter of my old friend)

Bored

My boss, when he would become the SUPER GOLDEN YEAR person. (Be damn!!!)

I haven’t yet get a new dress from the Dress maker.

Sorry

Everyone, I am lazy to continuing the thesis’s questionnaire.

P’Jang, when I am lazy to send the email to you.

Tam, I don’t have a time go to buy a big Thai flag for you.

Others

My story does not going on as I wish, because I have a lot of business to managed all this week.

My peptic ulcer is feeling better, but I am very angry anyone who specify that we have a three meals per a day because I think one meal is ENOUGH!

Happy Valentine's day

Friday Update

Today I goes to the hospital after I have been stomachache with the peptic ulcer since last two week ago. (after I tries to used the drug by myself for a week , but I was not feel better) I met both the God mom’s nurse and the doctor’s friend that (must) take care of me when I get sick. And the doctor said I have stomachache because my only one meal a day is not enough, so I have take three meals.
God Mom told me that the doctor’s friend married with his girlfriend already, but he doesn’t tell everyone about it even his close friends. So in his wedding have the family of the Bride and Groom only. It’s really odd wedding.
Now, I have a new activity that can makes me pay all attention when I am free. However, I will talk about it on next post after I have feeling better yet.
Hopefully that I would can go to the party at the ex-advisor home on this Sunday also…

Diet course of Sukie; One thing that she can't forgive me...

As Sukie must reduce her weight, I decided to feed a dog food for her. First day for dog food, I think Sukie like it when she has a chance to change the recipe. Until the second day has come Sukie tries to ask a food for me, but I didn’t gave it (her favorite food is beef and liver) to her.

Sukie started to against her food, she came to moan with me all day. However, I try to ignore because I know that it is the best thing for her even Sukie will never be appreciate. (Without any snacks, sharing my meal, and one meals only)

One week passed, Sukie look like reduce a weigh for a little and doesn’t hurts her legs yet. You know it was the same time that Sukie feel angry on me the most. On last Monday beside Sukie came to moan with me, she also ignored her food and kicked her blow around home all night. (so both Sukie and I, nobody fall asleep!) it was the second time in this year that I am lost her (after the ‘Cake War’ that I must gave all cream of cake to Sukie) on the next day, I have buy her favorite food as she wish. But I set up a new schedule to Sukie that, I would allow her eat a favorite food on the work day. (just a half of the past) And for the weekend she must eat dog food for the health of her. Well, I don’t want to imagine about tomorrow …..

Sukie, please forgive me too.

Tam

Yesterday I got the email from OM staff, she told me that my sister arrived to Doulos safely then. In fact, Tam phoned to tell me yet and she told me about some accessories that she need from Thailand and I have to manage for her.

Tam became a step sister of mine when I was a second year’s student at SWU and she was a junior, Both Tam and I, we was very close, but we didn’t understand to each other enough it almost were a big falling out. But all of situation solved itself because my friend tries to help it. We back to close again, but I didn’t take care of her enough. I was very busy with the train and Tam was very busy with the activity at church.

Until Tam was a trainee at ESCAP library like me, I gave a suggestion to her about here and we have a time to get along together again. Tam gave an explanation to me about something that I don’t understand. On that time I realized that Tam is a few people who can bear my behaved hence, I MUST take care of her the best as long as I can.

On last year, Tam bring a good news to me that she has an opportunity go with for two years. I tries to help her as long as I can. On October Tam get the schedule to the Doulos, she asked me to rest at my home before the trip. I accept this asking with the happiness because that mean I can take care of her and help her prepare the thing for this trip. And I accept to be her supporter while she living in the Doulos.

Tam told me that she would fly on 9th January for board the Doulos at Subic bay in Philippine, for Tam’s case is very peculiar until the airline need the visa for booking one way trip ticket. So Tam must contact Philippine Embassy about the visa, but she has a problem about it because the embassy also need her ticket. (In fact, as an ASEAN member Thai nationality no need the visa if we staying at Philippine not over 21 days) Tam phoned to me about this problem, so I must contact directly to the embassy, the airline, and immigration by myself until everything done. After that Tam went to hometown and she will back to rest with me before her trip. Sound like everything is very easy after she back from the hometown, just bring her bag and some book to keep at my home. I hope everything will easy as I planed, I hope Tam packed everything finish. I really hope like that….

I remember that Tam phoned to me on Monday morning that she would bring her things to my home on Tuesday night and we would leave from my home to the airport on Wednesday morning. I think the lucky had come to Tam again when the Doulose attended to her that she must postpone her schedule from Wednesday to Saturday. On that day she told me that she need my helpful to packing the thing. I went to Tam’s hostel oh man!!! I almost crazy when I saw everything NOT YET finished. I don’t really know that how we would like to do if Tam must go to Philippine on Wednesday. Anyway we have a free time for three days to manage everything before Tam’s fly. That night we finished to pack the thing to my home around 9 pm. Sukie was very glad when she met Tam. So the day after Tuesday I let Tam and Sukie at home. I think Sukie was very happy when she has a baby sister and friend while I go to work.

For a few days before the trip I have a chance to take care of her as one elder sister can do it. I always complain to Tam in a slowness of her , but she told me that she don’t care and she willing to let me complain to her even how long it takes because she know that everything will be done when she told me. You know I felt like I have another one kid beside Sukie.

I almost crazy in her slowness of her for a many times even I complain to her, I cannot let her manage everything alone as I am aware all the time that she is a few people who love me and can bear my behaved so I must preserve her. However everything can get through until she arrived to Philippine safely then.

I hope that my sister will gap a good experience from this trip. And now she is in a pre ship course and sailing to Papua New Genie. And I would like to thank you everyone who’s know Tam and help her to this trip.

Love and Self-respect

             วันนี้ตั้งหัวข้อนี้ขึ้นมา เพราะเมื่อสองอาทิตย์ที่ผ่านมา ได้ยินข่าวว่าพี่หมีจะกลับมาที่นี่อีกครั้ง ฉันฟังข่าวนี้ด้วยความสับสน เพราะไม่รู้ว่าจะดีใจหรือเสียใจดี ดีใจ เพราะ รู้ว่าคนที่เราคอยมาตลอดเวลา จะกลับมาที่นี่อีกครั้ง เสียใจ เพราะอุตส่าห์ทำใจไว้แล้ว ว่าชาตินี้เราคงจะไม่ได้พบกันอีก

            ความรู้สึกอีกอย่างที่เกิดขึ้นกับฉันในขณะนี้คือ ฉันไม่รู้ว่าคนที่กลับมานั้น คือ "พี่หมี" คนที่เป็นห่วงความรู้สึกของฉันมาตลอด หรือ "คุณเบน" คนใจร้ายที่สุดในโลกคนนั้น แล้วฉันก็ไม่รู้ด้วยว่า ฉันจะยังสามารถมองหน้าเขาได้อย่างสนิทใจไหม มอง...เหมือนกับหกเดือนที่ผ่านมา ไม่เคยมีอะไรเกิดขึ้นระหว่างเรา... ฉันพยายามเฝ้าถามตัวเอง ว่าฉันยังรักผู้ชายคนนี้อยู่ไหม แล้วฉันจะทำยังไงต่อไป ถ้าเขากลับมา
             ในที่สุด ฉันก็ได้คำตอบให้กับตัวเอง แน่นอนที่สุด ฉันยังรักพี่หมีอยู่ รักทั้ง ๆ ที่เป็นแบบนี้ ตอนนี้ฉันเข้าใจกับคำที่ว่า "อย่าคิดว่าความดีอย่างเดียวจะทำให้รักได้ อะไรร้าย ๆ ที่ทำให้รักได้ก็มี" แต่คนเอย่างฉัน อยู่ได้มาทุกวันนี้ก็ด้วยความนับถือตัวเอง แม้ว่าฉันจะรักฉันมากแค่ไหนก็ตาม แต่การกลับมาคราวนี้จะอยู่ในที ๆ ฉันยืนอยู่ตรงนี้ โดยไม้ยื้อ ไม่ถาม ไม่ตาม ไม่ง้อ อย่้างที่เคยทำ เพราะนั่นมันจะหมายถึงฉันจะต้องเสียความเคารพตัวเองที่มีไปโดยสิ้นเชิง ถ้าเขาเป็นของฉัน เขาต้องกลับมา อย่างที่เคยมีคำกล่าวเอาไว้ว่า

I believe whatever is in store for us will be for us...

             แต่ถึงอย่างไรเสีย เวลา คงจะเป็นคำตอบ และทางออกของทุกอย่างจริง ๆ

Happy New Year 2008; Thank you for the gifts.....

Okay, I think it's time to thank you for Christmas and New year's gift that I get it for everyone that I know....

Stepmom...Thank you for a coin, a bunch of keys and the lunch.

P'Jang...Thank you for a nice jewel's box.

P'Marry and Uncle Pandey...For the very taste cookies (both Sukie and I finished it already)

Baby...Thank you for e-Cards and a lots of gifts that I am sure that you would bring to me :D

DDG Jobe...Thank you for a little bag for shopping after lunch.

Ms. Benja...For a luxury jewel box ka. (and your blessing to me)

P'Tim....Thank you so much for the pocket money.

P'Pun...Thank you for a little rose bouquet.

Toi (Spoon)...Thank you for a chocolate even you tries to told me that it will makes me fat (and you would bring it back)

P'Po,P'Kik...For the rare foods that I cannot found it easy in Bangkok.

P'Moo Noi...Thank you very much for a New York's bear. (after he went to UNGA for three months)

P'Wi....Thank you foe e-Card and a bunch of keys. (But I am insits that I wish the different version of card)

Nong Mai... For a nice memo clip.

Table, Prang, P'Tam, P'Tong...Thank you for the pencils, it's very nice and very useful for me.

P'Yui...For a paper's box.

P'Om...For the Buddhist's book. (it's very useful until I may gift it to everyone on the next year)

P'Nopadol...for the a bunch of keys and calendar.

And most important person that cannot to forget her....

SUKIE!!!!....For allowed me using her photos in this post....