with the happiness

ไม่คิด ไม่ฝัน เธอจะทำให้มีน้ำตา เคยสัญญาว่าเธอรักฉัน แล้ววันนี้กลับขออำลา....
เธอควรจะไปตั้งนานแล้ว ทำไมทำไมเธอเพิ่งไป
รอตั้งนาน รอให้ไป รู้ไหมดีใจจังเลย

A brighter day is on my way

For a few months ago, my life has been changed to a new side that I never thought before. After a half-brother came to see me at home with wife and said to me that I have move from home because he want to sale it. A first minute after I heard it, I was very sad when I must move from a home that I been here 20 years, I know well this day would come even its now or later. So I tries to looking for a new home (yeah, must be home because I have Sukie too) that in the first phase I must be rent until I can set up myself to be stable. For this process I got the helps from many people such as Stepmom, Poon, Pee Mai, Tar, and many colleagues (so sorry if I didn’t tell your name because you have a lots, but everyone made me learn I am not alone in this world)

Be amazing when I have no ANY question from the man who pushing me from home. I know that he has a problem, but I just want some word that makes me feel he doesn’t mean. You know what, he asked me about how to find a home for rent yet. Only of his concern is ‘When I will move from home and then he can sale it fastest as he told me he has a debt. Sound like he is very poor when he has the debt and loose the job in the same time until he have sale every property he has and his family also don’t have a home too and they have stay at his sister’s home. Since I heard that announce I packed my property and find a home to rent. Very lucky when I found the home at Tar’s village, But the home must be fixing until April then I can move to here. In the same time I phoned to tell my half-brother that I will move to a new home soon, but I didn’t told him about the accually date for move because I want to know “what he would to do with me?”

I don’t have waiting the answer for a long, On last Tuesday I back home and found that every windows in home is gone and Sukie looked very excite about it. I decided phone to ask him about it. You know what did he said? He said to me that “I don’t know anything cause I sold the home to agency company already” I try to count 1 too 100 in my mind for clam down myself. And told him with an unemotional sound that “Yeah, I will move sure but I need the time, don’t push me again” then he said “Anyway, the company agency will come to fixing a floor so you haste to move” I swear with the god I never feel angry at anyone like this before. I didn’t said anything and tries to clam down myself again as he is my brother who ever take care of me. When I didn’t say anything until he hang up the call first On that night, I phoned to the owner of home and asked him to speedy to fixing home because I will move here before the plan.

However, the storm still came to my life again. After the day that windows gone,. I back to home and found the window glasses were broke in my bedroom. I don’t know they did it for what? Want to makes me fear and hast to move from home fastest? I learn about the unsecured in my life because he behaved like he got mad yet. I decided phone to Tar and ask to rest at her home until my home finish and taking leave the work for check the property on Thursday (another reason to taking leave is I was very scared if they got mad like that Sukie also unsecured) and move Friday.
The day I was home the son of my brother (from his first wife) phone to talked to me about this problem. He told me that his father addict a gamble at boundary of Cambodia, They (half-brother and his wife) ever played heavily until don’t have a money to buy a food and back to Bangkok. (so ugly) Moreover, in the afternoon I got a call from an agent as he want to ask me move from that home early. But I told him before he would said finish that “I will move tomorrow and please convey my message to (damn) half-brother that ‘do not destroy any property at home again because I am very annoyed!!!’ ”

On Friday, I got the helped from stepfather. We moved the property continuously all day. For Sukie, I guess it was very excited for her and most importantly...she fear me leave her. She follows me everywhere I walked. Until I have bring the together while we convoy the property. However, Sukie does not use more time to adjusting herself with a new atmosphere that’s very well for me. Ah, while I were home. I got a very surprise call from a half-sister who always abuse my feeling since my father passed away. (I remember every words that she said to me such as ‘if you don’t have a money you can tell me, but you must aware everyone have an expenditure’ or I may be a second wife of someone when I don’t have a money. She predict my future, I will never finish a bachelor degree’ Most of the pain is she doesn’t allow me keep the bone of Dad after the ceremony. In the ceremony of dad she treat me as something that she must see me as long as she want, but I must behaved as I just an air) This woman phone to for asked me about a place that I moving to. .You know what, she invite me go to Chinese new year to offering the food to father soul. Before we hang up the call she told me that ‘If you have any problem you can call me all the time and remember that you still have an relative’ Oh dear...she said this too late for ten years!!! As now, I am realized that I don’t have any relative since my father passed away. I didn’t appreciate with her concern anymore because I know that she just want to know about me so everything was not sincere. Anyway, she will never disappoint with me as I must be the best cause a brighter day is on my way.
At Friday night, I went to home again to pick some property I cannot deny to you that I feel very sad when I have out from the home that I was here for a long time. Before I left, I look back at home again and closed the door loudly for remind myself that ‘everything is over and I will go to a new life without a dirty people’

Until now, I am very happy when I can stay a new home without any suspect in my mind. I forgive them all and hopeful that we won’t see to each others again. I thank you them when they pushed me from home because it makes me grow up in the feeling. Most of all I will start to build up myself. Most of all they made me learn to a love of the people around me.

I am no longer alone...

PS.
1. For a half-brother and his wife, Sorry when I left a lot of waste at
home because I don’t have a time to clean up. (and I throw it away around home as suggested the friends of mine 555)
2. I will update about a new home to you continuously as I will move here on this Saturday.
3. I miss you a lot....

The answer of Little Wan

1. Where is your mobile phone?

- Beside me

2. Relationship?

- Very happy and wishing it would go on like this forever.

3. Your hair?

- Very long because I didn’t go to the salon for a long time.

4. Work?

- Hmmm…if I have a good place to go, I will go.

5. Your sister(s)?

- Tam is in Doulos, Tar and Mai in Bangkok, but I missing them a lot.

6. Your favorite thing?

- Book.

7. Your dream last night?

- Mom

8. Your favorite drink?

- Vine

9. Your dream car?

- LEXUS

10. The room you're in?

- Home

11. Your shoes?

- High-heeled shoes

12. Your fears?

- Fat

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?

- I don’t know because I just make today the best. Yeah, I think its enough.

14. Who did you hang out with this weekend?

- My sweetheart.

15. What are you not good at?

- Painting

16. Muffin?

- Strawberry

17. Wish list item?

- Our home.

18. Where you grew up?

- Nonthaburi

19. The last thing you did?

- Talked telephone with Spoon.

20. What are you wearing?

- T-Shirt

21. What are you not wearing?

- Contact lens

22. Your pet?

- Dog (Sukie)

23. Your computer?

- Prudence

24. Your life?

- I found the happiness when I belong to someone who loves me.

25. Your mood?

- Happy and sleepy

26. Missing?

- The things for my sweetheart.

27. What are you thinking about?

- The interviewed on last Tuesday.

28. Your car?

- Hope to get it soon

29. Your kitchen?

- Didn't use it for a long time.

30. Your summer?

- Rainy

31. Your favourite colour?

- White

32. Last time you laughed?

- A few moment ago.

33. Last time you cried?

- Last 2 months ago.

34. School?

- Wishing back to a student again.

35. Love?

- I am glad we’re this one way street just you and I…

Yoo hoo….

Yoo hoo…. I hope everyone is fine. Well…I didn’t update the post for a very long time. Sound like don’t have anything to write, but the true is that I don’t really know what I should start first. However, I will try summarizing everything in my life for a few months ago.

Sukie
First, I have talking about a beautiful model in this post, yes she is Sukie. She is very fine, but for a few weeks ago when I went to out of town for seminar with my Department. I decided asked my neighbor to take care of her. On that time, I guess that Sukie will adjust herself for a few days. But when I called back to my neighbor for ask about Sukie. I found that Sukie was very bad mood and become a tiger that will never let anyone get in our home. Very poor Sukie, she afraid that I will leave her alone and won’t back to her again.

Seminar @ Hua Hin

The seminar on 11-13 July 2008 @ Hua Hin Bluewave beach and resort hotel. This seminar has many activities that makes everyone in department feel relaxed as a good vacation of us. Even we may have problems before the seminar. (Especially when ‘Dr.S’ is the moderator) For me, two days of seminar, I was really enjoy (if I try to ignore to concern about Sukie)

Friday update

Marathon sick

I have a cold since last week, in fact I am should be feel better and get recover already. But on Thursday I went to document’s room for select the documents to storing at the archive. So the dust in that room makes me get worse until Toi asked me while our dinner that I looked torpid so much. Oh, he was very observing me.

Lots of sweets

I got a lot of sweets from my dearest sister Wan at Taipei. In fact, it isn’t a lot of sweet only but it is a lot of her kindness to me too.

Thank you so much ka my sister…

I guess…I understand him.

                Right now, Toi and I just friend. Even Toi call to awake me every morning, we’re going to hang out together every weekend, we’re talking a telephone everyday, he bring me to come and see his family and I led him to walk around my office. Yeah, everything I said its can’t make you believe that we’re just friend. But it is the true…Toi and I, we are very happy in the situation now. It was because of we had the lesson until we need a time to prove and make sure something that came to our life.

                Toi told me after broke up with headless doll… now, he has a thinking about life opposite from the past. For me also, after I met the end of “if you’re not the one” I look back to the past, and I decided to belong to someone that based on the truth more than the feeling like the past. I learn about “self-determination” when I am talking with Toi. I can tell you with the confident “I just ALMOST like Toi” and I will stop the feeling here as long as we’re friends. So I can tell him all the time that I am ready to walk away if he guessed that he like other people more than me.

                Sound like I don’t care him anymore…, but don’t forget I can tell him like this because “I just almost like him” and I swear with myself that I will never staying with anyone who does not put a heart on me again. This may the end of “if you’re not the one” that end up at I will belong to someone who loves me.

                Yes, I know…you may don’t understand with Toi and I. But we’re very happy with the freedom now and I am willing to let the time to prove everything in my life.

I understand you….Toi

self-determination

Well, I didn’t update the blog for a while. It doesn’t mean I don’t have anything to write, but it was because of I don’t really know where I would be starting?

I found the end of “If you’re not the one” that I ever wrote about it on last year and I was hopeful that my “If you’re not the one” will never end up to the sadness. But life is life, the end of story always opposite as we expect

In fact, everything isn’t the end. But, it is the truth that I just accepted after I tries to laying myself for a long time. This true is the last straw that broke my back completely. I don’t want to know or waiting to learn about the end of it again. It’s really hurt when if you’re not the one of mine didn’t end as I hope. Most of all, I do respect all of his decisions.

When I look back to the sadness, I found the reason why I am always drinks a wine until drunk. You know, I never done it before. It was because of I have something in my mind and I want to forget it.

Then now, I pay more attention about the relationship in the new way that based on the true more than love. I don’t know it is wrong or right but, I think its will not make me feel hurts like the past when I select to belong with someone who loves me.

You know I said to someone “If you think you like or love another one more than me, just tell me then I will walk away….” He that said sound like I try to pushing him all the time, but I told him it isn’t true, the true is that I cannot be patient with anyone who does not put a heart on me. Yeah, the latest lesson makes me learn about self-determination. So I will let the time to prove everything and tell me for the future.

Eventually

You've got Someone else to love and love you..

Eventually I will become Nothing

I miss you, my little friend….

Last two weeks ago, I was a babysit for a girl that she is a daughter of my colleague. In fact ‘Pin’ ever came to my division (when that time is her vacation because she’s living with grandparent in the out of town) for a many times, but we didn’t close to each others as this time it was because on that time I get sick.

Pin doesn’t mischief making even she has 6 years old only. When I know that she would come to belong with us all week, I bring a lot of DVD’s cartoons for her and some coloring book for her. It was because of I don’t want to see her play a computer too much. I guess I am succeed to lure her to coloring and watching the cartoon in the mean time because I looked her really enjoy about it. So every noon after our lunch (I have taken a lunch with her also) Pin always asked me watch a cartoon and coloring and I MUST sitting beside and watch a cartoon with her too. Both Pin and I we are very close within three days passed, it because she is a single child like me and I understand ‘what is the way that she prefer to play?’

Hence, when my little friend really enjoy belong to me; the time for watching a cartoon and coloring would extend from only the noon to (almost) all day. You know she told me when I would go to another desk to work that “Sit down and bring your work to do here” She became my boss already! Until her mom said “My daughter is addicted you already Wan” In fact, I am addicted Pin too. When she doesn’t come to my office today I am very lonely and thinking of her all day when I don’t have a boss to ask me watch the cartoon together. I just aware “I miss her very much my little friend”

Do not annoyed me anymore!

I overlooked in some mistake and some behavior of Toi, it makes me feel he is a good person that I can dealing with too… But one thing in his life that (Both Baby and) I can’t accept it at all is ‘Headless Doll’ Yes, until now I haven’t yet relief the feeling that she makes me annoyed in a late at night in the stupid question. Most importantly, she lay to Toi that I implicated about his mom while I phoned to manage her. You know, I never seen deceitful like her before…

Even now, Toi and Headless Doll brake up, but I am always hear the news about her from Toi. (About something that she gets wrong she can hurts Toi’s feeling)

Latest on last two weeks ago, Toi told me he doesn’t want to meet Headless Doll while the wedding of his friend when she would be a “best woman” on that day and he doesn’t want answer his friends about the rumor (that’s true) Headless Doll has an affairs with his step brother in his collage is the true news or not? So I told him two choices to do first, if he wants to go I can get together. But he deny this choice because Toi afraid that I may create a war with Headless Doll. (Actually, I will never miss a chance to do it) Second, if he doesn’t has any business to go he can convey a gift to a friend who would come on that day. Then I forget it almost all, until Saturday morning, Toi phoned to me and ask me that I have a business on that day or not because he would like to invite me to the wedding.

I accepted his invitation because I want to meet Headless Doll and give some lesson to this woman aware about the feeling that she always done by her selfish. I think this lesson is very succeeding when the bride looked at me all the time since we walked in to the ceremony until we took a photo together. Then we saw the bride talk a telephone to someone that I guess Headless Doll. (Today Toi told me that he has missed call from her for a many times, but he didn’t pick up) So I think Headless Doll may become a rapid dog already… Oh, that day was REALLY FUN!!!! (Very poor Headless Doll, she should not annoyed me on that day)

For me that day was a good day when after we went to the wedding we went to watch the movie too.